Days of my life

December 8, 2007 - 0:0

Today is really a great day. A day of celebration. 50 years old! I have to tell you... that came around pretty fast. I’m officially 50 years old – happy birthday to me! I’m getting older, but I’m feeling more alive than ever. I’m happy, in love with my life, in love with the future.

I've had 50 golden years, and the older I become, the more I realize that what matters most to me is having a good time with my friends and family. They say that being 50 is the youth of old age and the old age of youth.
Birthdays are considered to be the celebration of life, as with each passing birthday, a person moves forward in life in learning, maturity and, of course, having made lots of mistakes over the year from which to learn.
It is celebrated with cakes, sweets, gifts and heartfelt wishes from near and dear ones. Birthdays bring along a great deal of happiness and smiles.
Although all birthdays are important, I feel that the 50th birthday is the most important, as it is a landmark which on the one hand marks the end of the first half of our life, whilst on the other hand it marks the beginning of the second and wiser half of our life.
Have I reached out to others? Have I been good to my parents, good to friends, good to neighbors? Have my actions taught my children about empathy, generosity and tolerance? Have I passed through the lives of others and left an impression on their hearts, or was my passage through the year a sterile one, barely leaving an imprint on the sand?
So, the question becomes not “Have I done well?” but, more important, “Have I done good?” This is what I ask myself.
Whatever I have done, wherever I have been for the last 50 years, have I done any good along the way?
With a heart full of hope for the year ahead, I blow out the candles on my cake and make a wish.
What I wish is this: When I celebrate my 50th birthday, I hope I can look back along the way I have traveled and see that I have done some good.
Being a single mom of three is terrifying and I have not done everything well, or even sometimes correctly, yet my children have turned into these amazing young people. We struggle, we fight, but we love one another madly.
Maryam’s feelings are hurt easily, but she recovers quickly. She loves me in spite of my faults and is able to point out to me my weak points as I am able to admit them to her, she respects me for acknowledging my mistakes. She loves to learn, to express what she has learned for all to hear and she is not afraid of trying.
Mona is sensitive and has a capacity for caring that reaches the height of human potential. She is always thinking of others, loves to find ways of helping and giving to others and making them smile. I may want to spend more time with her but doesn’t want to feel like she’s imposing. She knows I have my own life, but maybe she wants to feel a little more a part of it. She treat me with the respect and dignity I deserve, and remember to thank me for being the great “mommy” in the world. She’s opens up to me for advice or support, it’s because she trusts motherly instincts and wisdom.
Morvarid truly reflects the best characteristics of a teddy bear! And I am so completely grateful for her every single day. She is just what I want to aspire to be, she is smart, fun, warm, generous, loving and true. I love the fact that by thinking of her, she can make me smile with just this thought, I thank God for her every day, I am truly blessed to have them all!
I have often been impatient, often been an angry mother towards them, but we have grown together and with their help I improve a little more each passing month. Somewhere along this journey, I have changed from a person who often felt I was looking in on my life from the outside thinking “Is this me”?
They bring me joy every single day, even on the days when we fight, even on the days when I feel tired and irritable. Above all these, I try to be as honest with them as I feel is appropriate, and I think that this has helped us move forward together.
I try to be not only a mom for them, but also their sister and best friend. I give them the tools and wisdom to make their own lives. I've tried to give my kids support and when they need a gentle lift, I give my love graciously and happily. I have devoted myself to them and have always given an emotional response to their call.
You know, somebody once asked me --what is the best gift you have ever received from your daughters? My answer was this: their love and respect -- which I feel every single day. It's a love that makes me feel great joy and for which I am most grateful. This is a gift from them, a special gift that's all about giving me the joy that I deserve -- and telling them just how much I love them in return. That is the best gift I could have asked for.
As I brought up my children, I realized that doors were opening up around me -- all the time. From my children I could learn how to give, how to accept, how to love, how to understand, how to share and how to listen. There were so many monumental thresholds just waiting to be traversed right in my own home.
Maryam, Mona and Morva, I love you all dearly. You make me so happy and I appreciate all that you do, all that you are. It's a pleasure to celebrate my fiftieth birthday -- even we are not together, I can feel the magic feeling of your presence..... good luck, good health and good times that I so richly deserve.
I can honestly say that I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. I have never been more confident that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in this world. But I guess the happier I get, the healthier I want to be. The more in love I fall, the healthier a mother I want to be.